The Other Promise
by cupid-painted-blind
Summary: She loves him. It's not a lie. But it's not the whole truth, either. /Lily can't help but remember, and guilt is an awful thing to feel at a wedding./


_the other promise --_

It's a really beautiful ring -- a diamond surrounded by little emerald leaves -- precisely what she would have chosen for herself. He knows her so well, it's frightening. Tomorrow, she'll add another ring, a simple white-gold band. She'll wear white and carry lilies and roses and she'll beam and kiss him and hold him --

She loves him. It's not a lie. But it's not the whole truth, either.

Lily can't help but remember.

_He_ was never right for her. She loved him the way all little girls love the boys who pay attention to them, with naivete and hope and faith in happy endings, believing that things would be wonderful forever. Once he shattered her image of him, her childish love faded away. She thought it was gone for good, but not quite. A little bit of it still remained, a little sad to know that she would walk down the aisle tomorrow to meet a different man -- oh, she knows he's the better one, and she knows she made the right choice, but -- Well, some things don't die so easily as they should.

She thinks that he wouldn't have bought her this ring. No, he would have gotten her something else, something more garish, always desperate to prove to her that he loved her more than all those other boys; he would have chosen something large, _possessive_. He would have claimed her as his own. There's something exhilarating in that thought, and disturbing. He was always too intense, too needy, too insecure to give her the freedom she needed. She thinks that he probably would have been fantastic in bed, though. Never quite attractive, but under the right circumstances, she's sure he could have been plenty alluring.

Not that her fiancee isn't. It's just -- it's different. Not what she expected. Not what she planned for.

She planned to fall for the sort-of-ugly, unsure, lonely boy who needed her more than he needed air -- she hadn't planned to fall for the cocky, good-looking, popular boy who had refused to give up on her and who knew her better than she knew herself.

She loves James, it's true. Doesn't think she could live without him anymore, she's gotten so used to him being there, supporting her, holding her at night and gently waking her in the morning. But she wonders what might have been.

It was never meant to be, not really. She always kind of knew, in the back of her mind, that the boy down the street wasn't quite right for her. But she'd let herself pretend for so long that letting go of that possibility was proving harder than she'd expected. It's just -- he was always so _happy_ when he was with her, and now, he's probably gone off the deep end, gotten in with the wrong crowd, and maybe... Maybe if he _had_ been right for her, maybe if she had been strong enough to settle for being _needed _rather than _loved_ -- Maybe she could have saved him.

But she is selfish, and she chose her own happiness over his. It's hardly unique. Thousands of women before her and thousands after her make the same decision, to push away the men who love them too much and who they don't love enough. But she doubts that all those other men were in _quite _so deep as Severus is. Or was, she hopes. Maybe he's gotten over her by now.

Then again, she doesn't really believe he has. As a gesture of goodwill -- not cruelty, although Remus seems to think it is -- she invited him to the wedding. To remember better times, she thought, to help him put her behind him. But he never responded, and she doesn't expect to see him there tomorrow.

It's just as well. Guilt is an awful thing to feel at a wedding.

She sighs, and snuggles a little closer to James.

* * *

A/N: Dude, I don't even know. It just kind of happened. I haven't even been in this fandom for like, ever, and this just jumped out of my head and attacked. Sorry for the shortness and plotlessness and such, but I don't really control the muses. Also, my mother keeps bugging me to write more, so this is kind of me spiting her by writing fanfiction. Hope everyone's been good.


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